Note: This is the first time I’m writing something humorous like this. I have no idea what I’m doing or how I’m at it. I hope you enjoy reading, sharing and relating. Above all, hopefully this makes you smile. 🙂
July has almost come to an end and summer vacations have taken their toll. This routine comprises of the latest modified proverb, “Late to bed and late to rise, who cares about being healthy, wealthy or wise”. People from the Victorian age might as well have called us spoiled brats. But these days, it’s simply a part of being young and unemployed.
Waking up at 2pm usually follows brunch that is still called “breakfast”. So, after attending to my hunger pangs, being the productive person that I am, I turn my laptop on and dive in to the black hole of the World Wide Web. Mechanically, I open google chrome and click on a small box that says “Facebook”. The amusing part is that it happens to be the second most visited page after google.com. Google is the most visited website, not because I do a lot of research work during my free time, nope. But actually, because I need to google the meaning of words that literate people use.
As I scroll through my news feed, I find myself facing a dilemma that I am affirmative many other Facebook users come across, too; the wonderful status updates! Status updates aren’t the only concern here. I’ve noticed that people take their criticism very seriously. That is why they turn their valuable opinions into memes and share links with the most ludicrous content. I am aware that many bloggers, article writers and social network users have whined, moaned and complained about this before. I thought I might as well contribute to this awareness petition.
OMG I am so smart and funny. Why doesn’t Zac Efron marry me?
For all of those people who think that the Sun is the center of our solar system, you’re wrong! These days, the Half Blooded Prince is! No, that’s not Severus Snape from Harry Potter. * pushes thick rimmed glasses up wrinkled nose* It’s the Royal Minion with that badass name equivalent to Haji Muhammad Chaudary Allah Ditta, in Pakistan. The hype that surrounded this new born baby apparently mattered a lot to the world. People kept on updating and commenting about it, adding their valuable thoughts to the matter. It becomes very obvious that majority of the lot desperately attempts to project an image of being intellectual and witty. (In a Paris Hilton voice) “Oh My Gawd, that is like… Soooo funny. Aww you’re so smart! That should be like… On 9gag or something!”
Might as well become a newscaster or column writer
I wouldn’t want to complain about updates about national and international news that much. To be very honest, a large proportion of the youth doesn’t regularly get to read newspapers or watch the news or related talk shows much. I must confess I am a part of that group too. As I have my priorities sorted out so well, I prefer to waste time refreshing my facebook homepage every two minutes.
Liking facebook pages for updates seems to be a more convenient option. When you see a lot of people talking about an issue and posting their opinions, it appeals to the curious side of you. Then you usually probe into the matter to get to know things for yourself and an opinion so that you can be a part of the “cool kids” group. That is peer pressure redefined for you, people.
Education sucks! I’ll start my own political talk show because every popular person is a drop out.
I have never been the sort of person who had an opinion regarding current political conditions. I know similar people, more or less from the same age group as mine. But as soon as the elections days take their toll, everyone turns into a troll. Obviously because we can save the nation from doom by doing this. Seriously honey, if you desperately want “change” that much then move to different country, maybe somewhere in Antarctica.
You can always submit your lyrics to Taylor Swift
I know status updates ask things like “What’s going on?” or “What’s on your mind?” But I don’t think Mark Zuckerberg had your boyfriend/girlfriend drama or one sided silent love in mind. It truly makes me sad when I see thirteen year old kids with relationship statuses updated to “It’s Complicated”. When I was thirteen, the only relationship that was complicated for me, was with puberty. *plays “We Are Never Getting Back Together” by Taylor Swift*
Some relationships really are complicated. They could be equivalent to something like “friends with benefits”, “I have a crush on him/her but he/she doesn’t know I exist”, “in process”, “on going chemistry” and one of everyone’s favorites “FriendZoned”. For some not-so-complicated couples, they take their relationship a to a whole new level. It might cute when teen guys just start shaving their peach fuzz but it is not cute when your relationship status is “married to your 16 year old partner”. Obviously, I am not a fan of the show 16 and pregnant or Teen Moms.
Even if sharing your personal life with the masses is essential, it does not mean that we need to know each and every single thing you do, don’t do, want to do, don’t want to do, might do, might not do, might go, might not go, might want to, might not want to and/if/or will/shall/could/should do or not do. If you’re really into frequent updates and sharing them with random people, I highly suggest referring to twitter! For those people who love memes and gifs like I do, join 9gag or tumblr. Just sayin’.
Thanks to the latest updates on facebook, you can update your status and reviews about what you’re reading or watching. I think this feature is interesting. Because you get to know your friends’ views and you can ask about the movie/TV show/book before watching/reading it yourself. It’s also fun to show off how you entertain yourself.
How does that make you feel?
The obnoxious part, which rapidly got out of hand, is the mood update. Every other person is expressing how miserable they are! *guilty* Because these days, updating a facebook status is more consoling than actually talking about a problem in a productive way. Many of these mood updates precede copy/paste sad quotes that (I think) aim to reveal your spiritual depth (usually imaginary and non-existent too).
It is absolutely rubbish to ruin your mood over Jelena’s break up/patch up. Kaaki, I don’t care if you’re a blieber for life or you put yourself to sleep by drooling over Zayn Malik’s poster all night! Either get a grip of yourself or consult a psychologist.
This brings me to #TheNewThingInTown that is using hash tags. I use hash tags often because sometimes they convey a point or hold an impact that might be better than a normal one. And it makes my comment/update ten times cooler. #Totes #OMG #Hot #TheBomb #Summer #Truth #Wow #ThisDoesntMakeSense #WriteAnythingYouWantWithoutSpacesAfterAHashtagAndItBecomesAHashtag #YOLO
Oh, a tagged photo…What the Flock?
Admit it; we all have one or more friends who tag you in photos that make no sense at all. Some of the pictures are of quotations while others are funny. Out of the people who tag you in pictures you are not in, the most amusing ones are those who upload a picture of themselves and tag 43 people in it. I seriously did not know that so many people could dwell in one man’s body!
It is obvious, that if you tag someone in a picture, they’ll check it out at least once. But what is the point? It isn’t youtube where the views count. But yes, some people formally like the picture. Others comment “nysh”, “gud gurl/boi” and “whattay DP darrrrling” etc to encourage further outrage. Then not only do you get notifications regarding the tag, but also about the comments of other people on that picture until you unfollow the post or untag yourself. (Let us take a moment to thank the curly ginger Zuckerberg for this blessing, Amen.)
There is a lot more to the obnoxious things that people do and say on social networks. I can’t sum it all up in one text, unless it’s a book. So for now, this is part I. I’ll publish a part II soon, maybe.
Happy Facebooking! 🙂 …. Or not?